A Short Reflection...No Pictures

 Yesterday, I went on an early morning walk on  a road that cuts through the valley allowing for views of the small town on the bank of the river, the rolling pastures, and the fields of green. There is inevitably a sighting of  mountain quail skittering across the road, and the cows and horses stare as the lone wanderer or occasional bike rider passes by. I regularly walk this route because I can walk for miles on end and take in the lazy landscape. Occasionally, a person in a car stops and assumes I am lost and offers a ride. On this particularly walk, I heard the sound of a car pull up behind me and stop, and a man asked through his open window, "Hablas Espanol?" I responded, "Solamente un poquito." He proceeded to ask me where I live. I was not about to give some stranger my address, so I responded in very vague terms. He said, "I have lived here for thirty years and have never seen you. Where do you live?" He was very insistent on knowing where I live. Once again, I was vague in my response. "Do you want a ride?" he asked. I explained that I was walking for my enjoyment. He then asked me again where I live. Eventually, after multiple times inquiring about my home, he said in a huff, "You obviously don't want to tell me where you live!", and he drove away speedily.  I did question myself and whether I was being rude. He could have just been a nice, local guy who was curious. If you are from a tiny town, it is kind of shocking to see someone who you do not recognize. It is the nature of small towns. I thought no more of it, until I was talking to a friend about the interaction, and I said, "My thinking is not right about this incident." My friend said, "No, that man's thinking is not right." He went into an astute explanation of how the man had been inappropriate and had failed to recognize that his questions were intrusive and made me uncomfortable." I completely agree with his assessment, but I had to explain myself because my thinking was not correct. 

     The same evening as the walk, I started to read The Four Agreements as recommended by a friend. It spoke about how we live in a dream created by everyone else around us and that we are trained from a very young age to try to fit perfectly into that dream. That pursuit of perfection is bound to disappoint us because it is not true to who we are; it is simply what we have been taught by those around us that have been taught those same patterns and norms through out generations. When considering this incident and how I felt guilty for not giving that person who I didn't even know what he wanted, I realized how ridiculous those feelings were and how easy it was for me to beat myself up for doing what is right for me.  There is no logic in the teaching of people pleasing; in fact, it is detrimental to any sense of happiness. I am fairly certain I am not the only person who has been conditioned this way. I guess I am writing this not only as a human confession of imperfection, but perhaps because I think we all, especially myself, need to reevaluate this dream that we have just blindly accepted and either skillfully or haphazardly navigate almost every moment of our lives.